GODDAMNYA, DANNY.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
From everyone in the Tool family, have a great one in that new present you just bought yourself. Which is why I wanted to give you a heads up as to my (Blairís) gift. In case you havenít heard, I had a moat built around your house (check out your website if you donít believe me, bastard). The perfect gift for someone who has everything (except, of course, for a copy...er... the proofs of Khing Kang King... but donít think about that today...). Yep, I remember about ten years ago or so you once mentioned how you always dreamed of one day having a moat. So pinch yourself... you're not dreaming (or hallucinating), and once again - a heads up when you drive home tonight. What was the line in that old film with the Scientologist and the Tangerine Dream soundtrack... something about a U-boat commander? Well, you get the idea. Also, the absinthe from Brazil (Pitman) should be arriving any day (barring any problems with Customs) and weíll do Vindaloo and Taj Mahalís this week. So mote it be.
CALLING AN AUDIBLE
Drumroll please.... Strange happenings are afoot in the Tool universe. Setting a new record for punctuality here at toolband.com, the May newsletter is up already, complete with an account of a recent pilgrimage to the forbidden land and photos to boot. Enjoy.
COWBOYS AND INDIANS
Our friend Aloke Dutta will be performing solo tabla music on Friday, May 16th in DENTON, TEXAS (which is a suburb of Dallas). This is an ALL AGES show, and advanced booking is advised. For more information, please contact Eric Keyes at firstname.lastname@example.org or give him a call at (940) 387-3283. Admission is $10. Alokeís CDs, "The Window" and "Scriptless Verse" will be sold at (or after) the show.
THE $64,000 QUESTION
"When heavy metal singers pay $64,000 for an imperial - the equivalent in size of eight normal bottles - of 1998 Penfolds Grange, a wine yet to be released, you just know this is going to be no ordinary Grange. Maynard James Keenan, frontman for the US group Tool, picked up the imperial at a Barossa Valley auction last week, considerably intensifying expectation about the wine from one of the greatest vintages of the 1990s..." This was from an article that appeared in the 29/04/03 edition of The Sydney Morning Herald. The article goes on to say that buyers of the regular Grange can expect to pay as much as $300 to $500 a bottle, and that "to say the 1998 Grange, due out on Thursday, is in demand is a gross understatement." Okay, a nice piece on wine and MJK, but had the writer of the article actually seen the Lateralus tour, he might have put the word "frontman" in quotes. An email I received from "a fellow devourer of fine Aussie Reds (we donít all drink Fosters!)" wondered "what salubrious fate awaits this fine bottle of wine (which will no doubt be cellared under optimum conditions by MJK)?" Well, if he doesnít auction it off with the proceeds going to his favorite charity, and he decides to drink it, if one of us spills a glass on one of our carpets, I know how to get the stain out... KABOOM!, the "shock and awe" of stain removers, as was proven when Camella, Shelee, and Kat simultaneously "spilled" glasses of an $8.99 Aussie Yellow Tail on my carpet. Once again, thatís KABOOM! folks (look for the purple can).
AENIMA TRIPLE PLATINUM
The results are in and we are certified: Aenima has hit triple platinum in the US! Congratulations to the band and a special thanks to all the fans for your support over the years.
A BUNCH OF....
Munching on a Javanese lady-finger while reading Blair's recent news about the banana squash bearing messages from beyond, I couldn't help but wonder if there was an even deeper connection to be found in the story. Bananas, ET's, Mormons, MIB's... but what was missing? Yes! That's it! TWINKIES! I seem to recall a recent LSD induced rambling from the mouth of the younger Carey, blaming Hitler for the lack of banana creme filling in these golden treats of infinite longevity (see our news posted 4/7). Is it possible that the wartime shortage of bananas was not merely the result of misguided kamikaze pilots and stray bombs, wiping out the worldís banana crops and depriving civilians (one in particular) of the phallic breakfast fruit? First I wondered if Hitler was indeed behind this - perhaps he knew something about bananas that we didnít? Was he planning to call in extra-terrestial reinforcements? OR, given the eventual outcome of WWII, maybe Hitler had nothing to do with it, and in fact it was "us" that had a(nother) secret weapon. If so did bananas have anything to do with the original (and sadly more successful) shock and awe campaign launched against civilians in Japan (home of punk rockers "Melt Banana" Ė am I reaching too far now?) that ended the war? Or was there another explanation altogether? And thereís one more confounding factor to consider: if you go to the Twinkies homepage ("Planet Twinkie"), you will find amongst the cast of "commercial characters" one called "Alvin the Alien." Perhaps this is of no relevance (after all Alvinís favorite snack is the Ding Dong, not the Twinkie), but if you scroll down to the bottom of his bio, under "Fun Facts" it says: No one knows for sure what happened in Roswell, New Mexico, but researchers think there may be enough evidence to suggest that a flying saucer might have crashed there in 1947! Fun fact? Or is Alvin merely a tool to infiltrate the minds of young snack cake munchers everywhere.... By the way, Blair's surfer-girl/soror mystika/hor...ticulturist/Easter bunny friend was here over the weekend and clarified that banana squash and "regular" bananas are NOT of the same family. Where does that leave Mr. Barakzia?
23 DRAWINGS BY TIMOTHY LEARY
and Other Works APRIL 26 through June 7, 2003 e.v. opening reception Saturday, April 26, 2003 e.v. 6:00-9:00 PM This Saturday, "THE LIGHT SPACE GALLERY" in Venice, California, will be presenting what is being called an intimate "flashback" into the world of Timothy Leary. Last week, the members of Tool, Camella Grace and I were given a sneak preview of some of the items on display (some of which will be for sale), and there are some very interesting pieces indeed. The gallery will be featuring 23 artworks based on Learyís most famous Bartlettís Quotations slogan: "Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out." These "playful" drawings were done in the last years of Learyís life, and this will be the first time that the private collection will be displayed. Included with the 23 drawings are artworks by Robert Williams, Kenny Scharf, Dean Chamberlain, Allyson Grey, and Camella Grace. There are also raw home videos by Leary residents Joey Cavella and Chris Graves; contributions from Ram Dass, Michael Horowitz, Winona Ryder, Paul Krassner, Ralph Metzner, Laura Huxley, John Perry Barlow, Douglas Rushkoff, Alex Grey, Genesis P.Orridge, R.U. Sirius, Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs, Keith Haring, Tom Davis, Denis Berry, Brummbaer, Michael Segel, Coco Conn, and others. Also on display will be a "tableau vivant of authentic Leary artifacts and handwritten papers." Yours truly has even written up a little something about the possible encoded symbolism in the Ďeccentricí signature that Leary used to sign the 23 drawings (see the forthcoming April newsletter for more information on this). Hell, I would even let the gallery display the Irish whiskey glass that was given to me by the good doctor if it werenít for... The Light Space Gallery is located in Venice, California, at 1732 Abbot Kinney Boulevard, just south of Venice Boulevard. For more information, call 310-301-6969 or email email@example.com.
THE POWER OF BEEF!
Dannyís other band, Pigmy Love Circus, will be performing Saturday night, May 3rd at the Key Club in Hollywood (9039 Sunset Blvd). Savage, Shep, Danny and Peter will commandeer the stage at 10:00 PM, so donít get stuck in the parking lot that is Sunset (take Fountain). To see the Pigmyís play this club, you really should be 16 or older, profusely tattooed, and already have a drop of the creature on your breath when the doors open at 8:00. If you park in the residential district above Sunset, be sure to give those pseudo security personnel some grief when you stagger back to your SUV or camouflaged "Thing." Iím already hungover... but Iíll just start drinking again.
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