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25 Mar, 2003

In a recent conversation that I had with Maynard, he gave me some more information about the ‘thing’ that was unearthed on his Arizona property last summer while workers were digging holes to plant the diffuse shade trees required for his vineyards. according to Maynard, the Whole thing was either A hoax, a scam, or a joke. The thing (as I originally described it) in question at first appeared to be the preserved (mummified?) Remains of a child that was buried in a strange container that was covered with pictographic inscriptions similar but Not identical to Egyptian hieroglyphics. The corpse itself, which was buried In an orange shroud-like garment, had a few anomalous features, although other features were distinctly human (in particular the musculature of the arms and legs). Actually, it was first described to Maynard as being "a weird human child" by the workers who ‘discovered’ it, and that’s how it appeared to me and several others after observing the photos that were ! taken of it. Although we were all pretty skeptical after viewing the photos (along with some video footage), Mayard instructed a neighbor who he is Good friends with to keep the thing at his house until the Lateralus tour was finished, whereupon he would have time to examine it for himself. Even though we all suspected a possible hoax, we continued to act as if we thought the thing might be real. We wanted to see how the thing would play out, and wondered if anyone would come Forth claiming to be Responsible (or to see if there was a more nefarious motive behind handing it to Maynard). Despite being very detailed and Organic looking (with it’s ‘mummified’ skin being composed of various materials to give it "layers of reality"), the thing is definitely a latex dummy like those created by Hollywood FX artists. Initially, maynard (and the rest of us) Thought that it was a hoax perpetrated by someone who perhaps Hoped to discredit him if he/we claimed on the website that it was a real preserved corpse with anomalous features (like the being in the infamous alien autopsy video), or that it was some kind of scam in which a few of the workers were involved in, hoping to turn their ‘discovery’ into a financial gain. (NOTE: this idea didn’t make much sense to us du to the out-of-pocket cost of producing the thing, and the fact that it would certainly soon be exposed to be bogus rubber dummy, and not some important archaeological find). so, the most likely scenario was that someone was playing a joke on Maynard. In that Maynard has several friends who are involved In Hollywood FX, and who are capable of creating such a thing in their studio workshop, he now thinks these people may be invoLved, although he dosN’t have any hard evidence on which to base these suspicions. He even thought that Adam (who once worked for Stan Winston Studios) may have had a hand in it, playing a joke on his band mate. But Adam has Completely denied any knowledge of this, and in fact, it was Adam who first suggested to Maynard that it was a sculpted dummy designed by some of his other friends into FX puppetry who were hoping to pull one over on him. So far, all have denied having anything to do with it, although several have said that who ever created the prop did a damn good job, and they would proud to have made it themselves. (NOTe: I’m hoping Maynard will give me some of the photos to post on the site.) So, as it now stands, we know that it’s a hoax o joke, but we don’t know who’s behind it and what the reasons may have been for doing it. When I asked Maynard if he’s seen any strangers in the area, he said "no, just the usual guy in a black turtleneck drinking a Coke and Singing to the birds." What ( if anything) he meant by this, I don’t know. Stay tuned for any further details.

28 Mar, 2003

For those interested in the mystery of Berenger Sauniere and Rennnes-le-Chateau, we’ve opened the last section of the church on In this section, we’ve concentrated on the bas-relief of Mary Magdalene that adorns the front of the altar in the famous church. This bas-relief was said to be Sauninere’s pride and joy, and it is believed that the priest may have painted some of its more curious details himself. One such peculiarity is the human skull that lies at the Magadalen’s knees - a skull that appears to have an eye complete with a pupil as opposed to being hollow as is case with most skulls. It may be worth taking a ‘closer’ look at this skull (along with the priest’s other idiosyncratic touches in the painting), especially for those of you who are interested in Tool’s ‘burning eye’ symbolism. We have also focused on one of the stained-glass windows that has been associated with a strange optical effect said to occur around midday on January 17th. Although some researchers have attempted to connect the orbs of bluish light that are projected onto the wall and church furnishings before fading or "stopping" on the altar as the "blue apples" mentioned in one of the coded parchments allegedly discovered by Sauniere, we now believe that the pommes bleues spoken of may refer to the more occult symbolism of pomegranates. However, the most interesting aspect of this particular stained-glass window, a depiction of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead, is that Lazarus is shown emerging from his tomb in what looks like the robe (or wrappings) of an Egyptian (mummy?). (NOTE: Interestingly enough, the readable text of the coded parchment that contains the pommes bleues reference is a Latin version of the New Testament account of the supper in Bethany [also the name given by Sau! niere to his villa at RLC] at which Lazarus, having been raised from the dead, sat at the table along with Jesus and Mary Magdalene - who anointed Jesus’s feet and wiped them with her hair). Although some Biblical scholars such as Professor Morton Smith believe that the whole Lazarus incident (which was expurgated from the Gospel of Mark as has been demonstrated in Professor Smith’s book entitled "The Secret Gospel") was an ancient mystery school initiation rite performed by a magician on his acolyte (in this case Jesus’s "beloved disciple", Lazarus), we think there is much more to the operation than a merely symbolic death and rebirth (i.e. Temple Sleep). In fact, we believe that both the Biblical account as well as Mark’s (excised) account represent a very unique ritual that was only known by a select few. The reason for this will become apparent when we offer a possible solution to the Rennes affair. Until then, some of you may wish to check out the latest clues posted on Danny’s website, one of which I feel is of a particularly revelatory nature. More to come in the very near future when we examine the famous paintings of Poussin.

25 Mar, 2003

Aloke Dutta will be performing solo tabla and conducting a "Rhythm of Tabla" workshop in Denver, Colorado on April 22nd and 23rd. The show on the 23rd will be at the Bluebird Theater (doors open at 8pm) and the show is all ages. For more information contact David Miller at Aloke will also be giving private tabla lessons to a limited number of students in Albuquerque, New Mexico in May. Those interested can contact Aloke at Aloke’s website is

20 Mar, 2003

Adam sent me this after receiving the e-mail from someone he had contacted (via Kat) who was selling a Les Paul Silverburst on ebay:
"Hi Adam: I understand you are looking for a Les Paul. The silverburst is a nice look. I’ve not heard your band play yet, but a friend of mine has. He suggested that I get you to give me a tour season back stage pass that I could sell to someone in each city you play, and that may help you offset part of the compensation for purchase of the guitar. I wasn’t sure if that was enough, seeing I’ve never hear you play. Now if I also had a backstage pass for the Dave Matthews/Tim Reynolds show in Kenosha in April, and a backstage pass for DMB this summer here in Wisconsin, we may be a little closer on price. I’m taking it over to Uncle Bob’s here in Milw, and I’ll have them set it up, so your guy doesn’t have to work so hard. I think the price is at $2025 right now, but I think the last guy isn’t serious. I’d rather sell this guitar for the right reasons. The last serious off I had was $1875. Now, with that money, the limo to the shows for me, and the Tool backstage passes, maybe we could talk."
For those who are interested, Adam still hasn’t got the guitar, but he’s told me that the two are a little closer on the asking price. Currently, they’re still trying to hammer out a deal that doesn’t involve Adam giving the seller (and Uncle Bob) rides to select shows in the ‘Toolcopter’ (the band’s new Bell 206 Jetranger helicopter), sit-ins in the recording studio and on stage for various Tool shows, access to Adam’s swimming pool, and the use of any "spare" organ (such as a kidney) should the need arise (the seller lives near Milwaukee).
In that Kat is busy with other things, I have kindly offered to negotiate a new deal. Along with the Les Paul silverburst (which Adam will pay the seller $666.00 in cash money), Adam wants the following: A year-long pass to the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum there in Wisconsin (so that he can attempt to sneak a bottle of ketchup into it), an unopened black and silver can of Schlitz Lager FBIR (1935), a brick of Radloff’s cheese or any other Wisconsin Liptauer, a pair of moccasins from Kenosha, and the opportunity to go "cow-tipping" under a full moon with the seller, his friends, and Uncle Bob (if he wants to join in on the fun). For Adam’s part, besides the cash amount mentioned above, he is willing to throw in these valuable items: A pound of truffles which were sniffed out by his very own pet pigs, a lucky black penny (that was in his pocket the night that Tool got signed), a pair of panties removed from a USC cheerleader during a kegger in which CDs of the Dave Matthew’s Band were played non-stop, a scab reportedly from the knuckle of O.J. Simpson, a Cheeto shaped like the Virgin Mary and Child (Jesus), an ultra-rare jewel-encrusted Buddhist fly-swatter (from Assam?), and a mystery baggie that was found on Hollywood Blvd. (that may contain street drugs of some sort).
So, what do you say - is it a deal?

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